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Rissy Santos Luiz FC Press Release

We at the club have noted that today's eventful press conference involving Coach Blackman and the chairman of our board of directors has caused quite a commotion. We've decided to release our account of what happened so that our fans can know the truth. Honestly, it's pretty much as bad as you've heard, but we just want you to hear it from us. Here are  the questions asked along with the coach's answers.

What's been going on with this club in the past month?

Things are going here at Rissy Santos Luiz FC. Things aren't going badly per say, but the could be going so much better. 

Did you ever make a decision about Olivier Giroud?

I know, I was all #GiroudOut last time I spoke with the media, but I didn't go through with it. Why not? I told the board it was because I really believed in his potential, but honestly it was because I forgot to make the transfer. Nevertheless, the decision (oversight but let's not be particular) proved to be a good one because Olivier did bring in a whopping five points. Unfortunately, he's picked up a long term injury, so now I really have to let him go. #GetWellSoonGiroud 

So you still haven't really filled us in...what is the state of your team right now? Have you made any more changes? 

Oh, a plethera! After Gameweek two, Giroud wasn't the only one I had to let go... Zabaleta and Mertesacker weren't giving me any points and Oscar wasn't getting enough. I didn't stop there. I made a couple other changes too, but I don't remember who those people were. 

That explains the 12 point deduction your club had last week. Many have been very critical of that decision. What do you have to say about that?

I was already getting points deducted every week because the players I had weren't producing. I chose to get 12 points deducted at once in order to start gaining points in the future. Sure, I could've done it gradually to avoid point deduction, but I'd already waited for too long.  Last week was the best week of the season for us, so my decisions have already paid off.

You just promoted Diego Costa to captain despite the fact that he has a known hamstring injury. Why? 

This isn't the first time he's been injured this season. Despite injury, he's continued to play and score goals. Jose Mourinho said earlier that Costa will play this weekend.

We can confirm that before the conference began Coach Blackman did ask the Chairman, "Do I really have to do this?" While it is true that he replied, "Only is you want to keep your job", the implications of his statement have been misconstrued by the papers. The Chairman made an official statement on the matter only minutes ago:

"It was just banter! We're not thinking of firing Coach Blackman at the moment. We want to see if this new plan of hers is going to work first."

There have also been rumors that Falcao and Di Maria have been signed. Wouldn't that be nice! To dispel these and any other false stories, here's the current Rissy Santos Luiz FC lineup:

GK: Myhill

Defenders: Ivanovic, Shawcross, and Dier

Midfielders: Dyer, Hazard, Sigurdsson, and Ramsey

Forwards: Naismith, Diego Costa, and Rooney

Bench: Gilks, Bruce, Kolarov, Shelvey

Here are the points we've received so far:

Week 1- 37

Week 2- 39

Week 3- 38

Week 4- 51

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